The following questions have all been submitted by our readers and answered by Rabbi Adelman based on Sefer Chofetz Chaim.

Listening to Loshon Hora

?It says that if you hear a group of people speaking loshon horah you MUST rebuke them. What if one of your parents is in the group, how do you handle that??

It would probably be wise to address the rebuke at the others, and not your parents. They'll get the point either way. As far as rebuking your parents when necessary, see lesson 74 http://groups.yahoo.com/group/segulah4singles/message/77

?Please tell me what I'm allowed to listen to if someone is speaking harshly of someone else just to vent or because of emotional difficulties dealing with a person.?

You may listen if she/he is venting to you and you feel that by listening to him/her you can calm his/her nerves. If they are venting to someone else you should not listen in. (Unless you feel that you can help in a way that the other person can't.) It is important to keep in mind that you may not believe the words of the person who is venting but only suspect (if it's relevant to you).

If I believed loshon horah about someone, must I seek his forgiveness?

If you were successful in removing the belief from your heart, you have uprooted the damage (between man and his friend) retroactively. Therefore, you do not need to seek his forgiveness. This is assuming that no damage resulted to him on account of you believing the loshon horah. **If he was harmed as a result of you believing the loshon horah, for example, you stopped doing business with him, then you would need to seek his forgiveness.**

Often I will receive an email from a friend who is "venting". Even if I don't offer any comment on the problem at hand I am listening to her tell about someone (even her husband). The end of the email is usually something like "thanks for listening; you're such a good friend." How do I deal with this without loosing a friendship or appearing "holy"? Maybe my friend really needs to let out her feelings and by listening I am helping her deal with her life better?

If you are listening to the loshon horah to help your friend though a tough situation or even just to calm their nerves, it's not only permitted, it's even a mitzvah. As a matter of fact in addition to helping your friend by being a listening ear, you might also be preventing her from going to someone else and venting. That other person might believe what she is saying and transgress the prohibition of believing loshon horah. It is therefore important for you to keep in mind that although you may suspect what she says may true, you are not allowed to actually believe it and accept it as fact.